What It Never and Always Will Be
by BlueLightningShinobi
Summary: Why can't life be something more? I know enough to realize that a magical adventure isn't just going to appear out of nowhere but, God, life shouldn't be that boring either. Roxas has been plagued with boredom.He desperately needs something to happen, anything, but when he joins tech crew what he gets is definitely NOT what he had in mind. AKUROKU YAOI.
1. No Way In Hell

**_Chapter I: No way in hell_**

Nothing. Boring. Uninteresting. Dull. Nothing.

Why can't life be something more? More than just the monotony that the world seems so happy to dish out. Nothing_ ever_ happens. No adventures, no excitement, nothing. Sure, I know enough to realize that a magical adventure isn't just going to appear out of nowhere, but. But, _God_, life shouldn't be that boring either.

I considered breaking all ties with my friends. Well, more than considered it. I was actually trying. I was that desperate for change, to have _something _happen. Maybe if I just got new friends things would feel different.

Different from yesterday.

I couldn't manage it though, they seemed to be the only ones that were making me forget.

Forget about the nothingness I felt.

They were the only ones that were probably keeping me sane then. As sane as I'll ever be at least.

With every thought, every feeling, every action… without knowing it, I caused a chain reaction… if you could even consider it that.

Because on that day, everything changed.

I wanted something to happen, but that definitely was _not _what I had in mind.

oOoOoOo

I'm Roxas. I guess that's a good enough start. I simply live, nothing more, nothing less. If I were to describe myself… I much prefer that people figure that out on their own. However, I also prefer people don't concern themselves with me.

I felt empty. I felt like the world was just passing me by, or I was leaving the world. Maybe I expect too much. Too much things that are impossible. Things that will never be… but how could anyone help it? There's so much to the world, so much more possibilities. But I was there. Trapped in a cycle I couldn't stop. The cycle would never stop, even in death. Dead is your cycle. Boring is my cycle. The only way to make your cycle what you want is to change something. Things change, the cycle changes, but if you do not do something then the _sort_ might not change at all. But it changes.

Unless your cycle is dead.

"Hey, earth to Roxas!" my charming black-haired friend said, waving a pencil in front of my face. I looked to her, seeing her bright blue eyes opened wide in a questioning stare. She just always has to interrupt me when I'm contemplating the fabric of the universe.

"What do you want?" I questioned, looking at her with barely interested eyes.

She was unfazed, mouth curling up into a smile that didn't seem to distort her supple features, "Someone's a little grouchy, hm?"

I didn't respond, waiting for whatever was so important that she had to ruin my day-dreaming. The only escape from that cycle.

Or… I could just not talk to her. Slowly make us drift apart… start all over. It wouldn't matter, right? She has other friends, she doesn't need me around.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her smile falling a bit. What was her name again? Xion, right.

_No. I'm not okay. I feel like my soul is dying of boredom._

"Yeah," I said with a half-hearted smile, "Just a little tired". _Lies._

_Just break all ties…_

"Hey, I know what will make you happy," Xion grinned, digging into her purple book-bag. She pulled out a glorious prize, taunting me with the eminent beauty.

The girl waved it in front of my eyes, a knowing grin on her face.

How dare she taunt me with a sucker.

"Give it," I demanded, reaching a hand out. She pulled it back with a smirk.

How irritating. Sure, in an amusing way, but really. I glared, "I don't _have _to talk to you, you know."

She sighed, succumbing to my every will like the good pawn that she is.

_Maybe I'll keep her around for a bit._

With skilled hands, I unwrapped the candy, sticking its sour-apple goodness into my mouth. Then I heard a giggle, and it was not one of those oh-so-innocent puppy-like giggles either. It was like a giggle most yaoi fangirls do when they're reading fanfiction porn. (_Eh hem_)

I turned with unimaginable dread seeping through me. I saw what I expected, Xion practically drooling over the lollipop that was protruding lazily from my mouth. I furrowed my eyebrows as she rose her own suggestively, biting her lip.

I fucking swear.

"I'm starting to think you only give me candy for your own fangirl pleasures," I mutter, not surprised by the black-haired girl's acts.

"No," She defended, "I give you lollipops for that reason _and _I enjoy the fact that it's your favorite. Hm… _I wonder why_…"

I rolled my eyes, going back to tend to my lollie.

Wait…

What class was this? I looked around, observing the barely working students and the art posters on the wall. Art? Was it third period already? What the hell happened to first and second? Ah… whatever… they're the extra boring classes anyway.

Like everything else.

I returned to my world, spacing out.

A boring day, a boring class, a boring life.

The rest of the day was me, bored, irritated as ever, waiting for the magical moment when the bell would ring to signify that we could get the hell out of there.

I made my way out of the classroom, keeping my head down to the notebooks held in my arms. Hallways are irritating. Well, no. Just people in hallways… like the ones who just hang around right in the middle without any concern for others. Then there are the shameless ones who have the indecency to make out in the hall. It annoys me just to think about it.

I turned to my locker, glaring, just in case the couple that always decided to _enjoy each other's company_ there, were actually there. Seems as if no matter how much I glare they think it's the perfect place to _hang._

I fall to my knees. I've always gotten a bottom locker, which I'm okay with. I feel like it's easier anyway even if I have to sit on the floor.

Thirty-two to the right, full turn left past thirty then stop at thirty, right to four…

I open my locker, looking blankly into the messy abyss before throwing my unneeded textbook in it. When I looked back up Xion stood by her top locker, grabbing things she needed for homework.

Since when did homework exist?

"Hey, Roxas," Xion said, stuffing something in her already full book-bag and looking over at me.

I sighed, turning back to my locker, "hello, The Cat". She responded with an annoyed purr. Well _sorry._

Seemingly, out of nowhere a notebook dropped from the heavens onto my lap with a voice that said, "Read it."

My head drifted up to see the culprit of such event, eyes meeting yellow for the millionth time in my boring life. His hair was blue, falling gracefully onto his shoulders and his eyes were a calm golden yellow.

"Hey, Saix!" I heard Xion call behind me, shortly followed by a slamming locker and slowly rising footsteps.

"Read it?" I asked, ignoring the girl that stood behind my kneeling frame. I looked up at my other friend, too lazy to get up, but barely willing to crane my neck.

"Yes, that's what I said, must I repeat myself?" Saix shook his head, more light-hearted than disappointed. Saix is a cool guy once you convince him to come out of his hard shell of depressed calm and quiet.

I steered my eyes to the notebook on my lap, hoping with all my soul that the story was actually finished and he wouldn't leave me hanging right in the middle of it. Stories, fantasy of course, are the best escape from the cycle. It's like temporarily borrowing someone else's cycle, a better one.

I looked back up at Saix, more interested than I've been that whole week, "I'm guessing a wolf is going to be involved one way or another…"

He nodded, confirming my suspicion and I veered back to the notebook.

"Okay, I'll have it back by tomorrow," I muttered, locking the lock of my locker without closing it yet.

A sudden light pain shot through my nerves as Xion thumped me on the head, "hurry up will you?"

Turning my head, I look up at the girl who looked more worried about other things, "You should be afraid of me," I warned, furrowing my eyebrows at her.

She nodded as she replied matter-of-factly, "Yeah, true. I should be afraid of you… but I'm not".

I glared at her before slamming my locker, only to find it wouldn't close. With an exasperated sigh I pulled it open again, slamming it with as much force as I could muster, a light tingling sensation drifting up my arm. After that didn't work I proceeded to jab it with my palms, with light pain and an irritating echo.

It has to have been one of the most annoying moments of my life.

I got up, dropping my stuff and proceeded to kick it like it was my greatest enemy, not caring for the obvious noise coming from that section of the building. The damn thing wouldn't freaking close!

"Alright, that's enough, Roxas," Saix said, looking around. If any of the staff yelled at me, I was on my own. But that's best friends for you.

I stopped, having taken all my frustration out on my locker already. I didn't notice that Xion had started laughing a while ago, along with a few chuckles from Saix.

I got on my knees again with a sigh, god I've been getting irritated so easily lately. Or are people are just getting more annoying? And lockers. And life. But life's boring.

Thirty-two to the right, full turn left past thirty then stop at thirty, right to four…

I unlocked the lock and slipped it from the handle, twirling the hook on my fingers. Without a moment to lose I lifted the handle to open and pushed it closed. Surprisingly, closing it was easy, not one bit of resistance. I hooked the lock in and pulled it a couple of times to make sure it was secure.

Not that I have anything important in there anyway.

"Was that so hard?" Xion laughed, amused by my outward display of frustration.

I don't reply, wallowing in my bored outlook of life.

oOoOoOo

_"__You should go to tech crew! You know for the play," Olette, a friend of mine, oh-so-unknowingly suggested. It's not that simple. _

_I sighed, running my fingers uninterestedly through my golden locks. Golden locks. That's a new one. _

_"__It'll be fun," She smiled at me. _

_I don't even remember when Olette and I became friends… she seemed to be just there. I guess I knew her for a long while but we were never that close. Then suddenly one day, with no other options, I assume, we ended up being close friends. Not as close as Xion or Saix of course, but, I would keep her. Either way no one is ever too close. It helps with my paranoia, you know?_

_I looked at her, bumps of the road making her bounce slightly. _

_"__When and where?"_

_And that will be the best or worst decision of my life._

I played back the idea in my mind. How Olette managed to convince me so easily was a wonder. But then again, I considered the idea would not be so awful if it gave me something to do other than sit and reflect on how uninteresting the world was.

It was Saturday, around nine in the morning. I was the first one to arrive, walking to the backstage in the auditorium where my teacher was moving planks to begin building the frame. His hair was black and tied back into a ponytail, streaks of white running down it. He was a cool guy, accepting, fun, it wouldn't block the boredom though. I guess nothing would.

All this talk about boredom is pretty boring, huh?

Entirely too soon I heard the footfalls of acaudate people walking in with a sirocco of body heat. As expected no one really attended to my presence, glancing at me for only a second before turning back to their usual cluster of friends. The sounds resonated from the walls but no one really noticed. Maybe it was because they were too attached to what they were doing; or maybe I was Just too unattached to the world. That's okay though.

No one stood out to me much in that group, as a familiar face, so I carried on with my own work, not really talking to anyone.

I was partnered with a shy-seeming girl with light, blonde hair and round blue eyes. Her features, like her voice, were soft, the light gently caressing her face.

Our task was to tear apart planks from these square, wooden contraptions for borders to the creases of the backboard. It was more difficult than the task appeared firsthand, the wood was adorned with jagged splinters and Stray nails that mercilessly prodded unprotected fingers. Another boy, by the name of Sora, with chocolate-sunburned hair and eyes blue like the sky, tore out the nails from the planks we managed to remove. It was not until some time had passed that another wave of people joined the first, several in the company of blue and white baseball uniforms the colors of our school.

One, a silver-haired male with sharp, aqua blue eyes, came over our direction, in search for a certain peppy brunette boy.

"Hey, Sor," His voice was especially silky, his eyes on his friend as if he was the only person in the word, and thin lips curled into a grin.

Sora turned to him, flashing a bright smile that seemed to reflect his personality. Clear as day.

I ignored them as they started to talk about whatever friends talk about nowadays. Ha, friends.

**Then I saw him.** **And I would either hate or love that moment for the rest of my life.**

His hair was a blistering crimson, spiked back riotously, a perfect match for his brilliant emerald green eyes. Under those unforgettable eyes was what looked like upside-down tears tattooed on his face. Entirely fitting. A smirk decorated his sharp expression, adding to the obvious aura of a firebrand. He obviously was significantly taller than I was, a senior, most likely.

Gorgeous eyes met mine but it was only for a moment. Then they vanished just as swiftly, as he turned to speak to the corporeal beings around him.

I turned back to the wooden planks we were shakily holding up, trying to pull one that was giving us particular difficulties. _He_ joined a few moments later, along with Riku, pulling planks apart like a savage.

I examined the redhead's strong, moving figure, surprisingly intrigued. He would be an interesting friend wouldn't he? Wasn't that he point? To make friends?

"Everyone keeps getting hurt," The firebrand laughed. Smooth, but with a slight raspy hum…?

But why do I care?

He brushed against me lightly as he teased, saying I was next in the line of injuries. Warm, gentle, I wanted to press against him, feel his warmth on my soft skin…

What? I made a face at my thoughts. That's weird….

His lips looked like the ones that were soft but had a roughness to it, the roughness of a dominate man. A man that would kiss you and make your hormones burst into a gay flame of fiery—what the hell. I must be thinking strangely out of boredom.

I shook my head and laughed at myself, for a second there I thought I thought he was attractive. Ha, funny… Who would like him? He's just a random guy I don't know who probably has sexy abs below perfect pecks of passion. But in the end I could only see his visual attractiveness, nothing more, nothing less.

Yeah. I do not like him at all.

He smiled and chuckled, his Adams apple pulsing from the movement. I definitely would not want to stick my tongue down his throat; I don't even know his name! And I don't like guys I don't know personally either! That is ridiculous. People who say they "fell in love at first sight" are especially ridiculous. It really is the boredom.

That does not happen, ever. Particularly with me. But that doesn't apply here at all, I felt nothing for this human. I really need to stop bringing it up then.

I mean, maybe it was a crush—no. No, no. Its nothing. I don't like him. No. I refuse. No! Nope.

_…__Now look what happened, is this what you wanted to happen? Huh? _

I let out a frustrated sigh that confused others around me, they brushed it off when they realized it was only that stranger that came into their territory for fun.

I was never the type of person to see a hot guy and instantly say that I liked them. It just didn't work for me. Honestly it was stupid. Maybe it was just my hopes to have something happen that provoked this… But, at the same time, his appearance already said so much about him…

Perhaps only a little…

_Oh, no way in hell this is happening._

* * *

**Well here it is. I've been having trouble finding the motivation to write so I'm hoping if people can back me up I can finally finish this story! There's something odd going on here. BUT for now Roxas is simply confused about this stranger he met. I hope it's interesting enough... but it might not be so interesting to me since I've read over it a million times. It's gonna get more interesting from here, I hope it's a story anyone can really relate to. I want to hear your input, my pretty pawns. **

**-****_Blue_**

**_Watch the sky_**


	2. Unrealistic Dreams

_Chapter II: Unrealistic dreams_

His name was Axel .

I saw him in the halls. He never saw me though. Not once.

As expected.

The first day wasn't all bad, I barely thought of him, not even a little. I kind of just brushed it off as infatuation and went on with my life. But that day turned to two, turned to three, turned to weeks. And I would see him and he wouldn't see me.

This whole thing was just stupid. It was stupid for me to even…UGH! I didn't even mean to… I didn't know… I couldn't help it. It was as if those eyes were calling me yet the barer was completely oblivious. That was not what I wanted, I never asked for any of it! It was all just so frustrating and annoying and I just wanted to grab him by the collar and scream out my confession so he could just turn me down already! Simple, before I start to like him anymore. I refuse though, to like him anymore than this measly crumb of a feeling.

But I couldn't.

Was the feeling better or worse than the boredom that had infected my mind?

I sighed as I made my way into the shower, just so I could be with my own thoughts. What if something were to happen though? I couldn't push away that shred of hope, letting the warm water soak into my hair. Something could happen… things could be different.

No…no… its probably just unrealistic thinking.

I closed my eyes and scrubbed the mint-scented shampoo into my hair, as my mind created a world of its own.

oOoOoOo

_Nausea. _

My vision blurred suddenly and I reached to turn off the **water**, it was already **run**ning ice **cold** and I couldn't seem to remember how long I was in there. I grasped at the knob only to snatch air, realizing there was the exact same knob next to it. I groaned, my hand meeting the wall with the force of the rest of my body following it. I swear I could hear it all laughing at me as my feet lost its way and I fell hard against the wall and to the floor.

I could barely see the blood that trailed from my head into the drain, black seeping into my vision until…

Darkness.

_Thud thud thud._

"Roxas! Roxas, answer me! Are you alright?!"

I tried to sit up but a wave of nausea washed over me and I fell back. Where was I? What was going on? Confusion infested my clouded mind and panic incapacitated my entire being. Was I dying? I was dying wasn't I?

I screamed.

My brother crashed through the door and pulled me out of the tub, unfazed by my panic induced resistance. Fists hit weakly, eyes blurred any sight, and bloodcurdling screams filled the air.

Darkness again filled me.

When I woke, I was in the hospital. My memories came back steadily as I felt the rough bandages wrapped around my head. I'm sure it was only a concussion. What a terrible way to have one though. Groaning, I looked around, grateful that the lights were off. I squinted to try to ease my headache but brushed it off as I spotted my blonde-haired brother.

"Cloud...?" I murmured, my throat rough and dry.

He looked up at me and spared me a small smile, "how are you doing?"

"I feel like dancing on rainbows, Cloud, with bunnies of love," I am delighted to know my sarcasm never dies, even in this situation.

Cloud shook his head and chuckled, "well I'm glad you're feeling fine."

I looked to my hands, not wanting to speak anymore.

"So… what happened in there?" Cloud asked, voice filled with more curiosity than concerned.

I shrugged, "I got dizzy all the sudden, started seeing double… I don't know. I tried to turn the water off but I couldn't grab it 'cause I didn't know which one was the actual… yeah".

"We should tell the doctor that…"

I shrugged again. I'm sure it wasn't a big deal. Stretching my fatigued muscles, I tried to rid them of the weakness that seemed to plague them. Something kind of felt off but I really didn't have the mental capacity to think about it at the moment.

The doctor came in a few moments later; he looked like my science teacher… strange…

"Hello, Mr. Strife, how are you feeling?" The caring tone didn't match his 'Professor Vexen' face.

"Been better," I muttered which prompted a snort from Cloud, who probably was having an attitude against my lack of sarcasm. He checked the general things—blood pressure, temperature. He didn't seem pleased with the results.

"Do you mind answering a few questions?" the dubious doctor asked, lifting his notepad to jot down my answers. I shook my head and awaited the first.

oOoOoOo

_I can't be sick. There's no way…_

"Roxas? Are you alright? Look at me" My brother's voice grazed my ears but never got to understanding. My vision blurred once again so I closed them to ward off the effects, unconsciously drifting off.

Everything was happening so fast, too fast.

It was better after I had calmed down a bit and everyone had left my room.

_Quiet_. It was quiet and bland. A Small table laid next to my hospital bed with a plastic cup of water and a couple green chairs were placed against the walls of grey. I eyed a picture that desperately tried to bring a bit of style into the room, squinting my eyes do to the massive amount of sunlight that crept through an oversized window that took up most of the left wall. I really wished a nurse had closed it.

The days that came were full of tests of poking and prodding, and irritation. Each day more and more signs of illness presented itself, even in its lowest form. And every day it got worse.

I threw the blanket off myself, sitting up in the dark of my room. A layer of sweat covered my body along with an itching sensation that made me want to tear my skin off. I scratched the slick sides of my abdomen and pulled out my phone to check the time. I wasn't getting enough sleep at all. I sighed and looked out the window that shown blue from early morning.

The doctor came in for the usual rounds and asked me how I was doing. No drastic change but my immune system was going to hell.

During the quiet, almost uneventful time, I found myself thinking a lot. A lot of what could be and what never could be, you know the usual. Ah, that lovely time when I wasn't disturbed by palpations, fatigue, double vision, whatever the rest of this hell is wrong with my body, and this damn insomnia. But, sometimes I would think of Axel. Yeah, I realized how strange it was that I was drawn to him. Maybe if I just talked to him I could figure out why.

All I wanted was to tell him. Just to get it out so I didn't have to sit there and think on it. I did not want to regret it later, or never have the chance to tell him either. It is ridiculous though, I didn't even know him. Imagine how awkward it would be to do that…

So, I did what any logical person would do: I asked a nurse to get him.

Of course, it wasn't that simple. They said they would do best they could to make contact with him but they could make no promises. But, that's expected.

Boring, boring, and boring. Perhaps I just get bored too easily.

There wasn't much I could do to entertain myself. I wrote some of my random thoughts in a beat-up, checkered notebook or if not I'd watch the television. Most of the time, I was preoccupied with my random thoughts.

Have you ever heard the story about the person? See, its simple:

Once upon a time there was a person. That person was very person-like and did very person-like things. That person had a person for a wife and a person for a son. One day at his very person-like job where other persons worked his person-ish boss fired him. While the person-like person was walking home early, he was hit with a bus full of persons. Then that person died like all the persons in the world will do eventually.

You could say boredom is a curse.

_What day was it again?_

"Excuse me Mr. Strife, there's someone here to see you," A nurse informed me, walking in. I looked at her, her in her nurse uniform that looked nothing like the generic nurse outfits you see girls wear for Halloween.

"Sure," I muttered and looked out the window. Outside looked much more appealing than it ever did when I was healthier. Maybe it was because my body was slowly killing itself from whatever autoimmune disease I had and I was appreciating life. Or maybe it was because this room was so utterly bland the thought of being outside brought excitement to me. Probably both.

"Hey"

"Hell-" I turned as I spoke, suddenly bombarded by brilliant crimson, "Oh"

It was him. Why was he here?

It had been what? A week maybe, since I asked him to visit.

"How are you?" he asked, hands in his pockets. His eyes kept darting away from me; the awkwardness was apparent as day.

"Half past living…" I responded.

God that was awkward.

I sighed and motioned for him to sit on one of the chairs by the bed. His eyes where full of question but he seemed unable to inquire. We sat there for a good three minutes. Three minutes of solely breathing.

"Uh, so, Roxas, right?" He broke the silence only to receive a nod, "They said you wanted me to come here…"

I sighed again, completely regretting that I even thought of requesting this man's discomfited presence in my domain.

"Sorry for wasting your time… see this has a really ridiculous reason…" I started, tapping my fingers and giving a huff of exasperation, "well, I like you…"

….I could have said that so many other ways. Why'd it have to be so blunt and… irritated?

**Maybe, more dramatic, like:**

I sat up in my hospital bed, tears of anguish and desire falling onto my pale cheeks, "Axel… I… I know that we barely know each other but… I feel like I've known you forever. And I know you probably never really even notice me but… Axel… I love you!" I sprang out of my bed, my IV flinging across the room and detaching itself from my arm. It banged against the wall but we didn't care. It was just me and Axel.

Axel's face shone intensely with hot, passionate love as he caught me in his strong, affectionate arms.

"Oh, Roxas, how I love you too…" He whispered gently into the nook of my neck, "let's get married and make babies, in whatever order you want"

**Ha. No way. This is just fine…**

"Well, I like you…"

"Oh"

He didn't seem surprised but not very caring either. Just "oh". Nothing more nothing less.

He sat down, looking down at the floor as if he couldn't find the words to say.

"It was just bothering me, not telling you and all" I admitted, wondering if the awkwardness would ever go away.

He nodded, "yeah its fine, I get it. So? What do you have?"

"It's an autoimmune disease of some sort…" I muttered. Getting into my business already, hm?

"Ah, cool" was his imprudent reply. No fault to him though, considering this was my idea.

"Yes, illness that keeps one stuck in a hospital bed for days is very cool, thanks for noticing" I muttered. Why was he still here, anyway?

He laughed, a hot, deep laugh, running his fingers through scarlet spikes of hair, "I didn't mean it like that, sorry".

I shrugged; at least he could take a joke. I don't know what I expected. It would be ridiculous to expect anything more than that. What? Did I think he was suddenly going to admit that he had these feelings too? I didn't even know if he was straight. _Oh great, is he?_ That would be the ultimate slap in the face right there. How much time have I wasted because this guy?

Oh well, I thought, I wouldn't see him after that anyway. He was a senior and there wasn't much school left so I'd probably go back just for exams. If I go back…

The thinking of my body killing itself still could not leave my mind.

"I guess since I have some time we can talk some, yeah?" The redhead prodded into my thoughts, "I think we could be friends."

_Ohh, friend-zoned. _

"I think that would be great…" I smiled some. That's code for, "oh hell no".

We talked about useless things, what it's like on the outside world, how great food would taste after almost a month of hospital food, and all that boring stuff.

I have to admit though… it was nice. At least while it lasted.

I waved while he left.

Once again, I was alone with my thoughts.

Another slow and tedious day. Slow days… you know, what if time was actually going slower but it doesn't feel like it? But sometimes we can sense it, like a sixth sense. Like your subconscious is actually aware of this "slowing" or "speeding". The universe in its entirety is just slowing down as if we're in a Tycoon game or something. Or god is just like, "oh, your day is sucking? Here let me make it feel like forever". Good thing I don't believe in god… He wouldn't be a good one, honestly. Plus, having an imaginary friend is only cute when you're a four year old. Not that it's a bad thing… (I mean no offense to religious people)

I didn't know what was next. I was dying because this… _whatever this was_, went untreated for so long. Was I just supposed to wait and see? Well, sorry for not being interested in my dying body but laying there all day was boring as hell.

I doubt my friends could visit either. Friends, right? I understood why though. Saix had way too strict parents. It's rare that he would even have the chance to stay after school to make up a test let alone visit a friend. For my fifteenth birthday, he was only allowed to show up for an hour. Some fun, huh?

Xion was a different story. Her mom thought I was… a bad influence on her untainted, adolescent mind. She had caught Xion reading some interesting fanfiction that involved to men fondling each other then more or less blamed me for getting her into it. Then her mother found a fanfiction I had wrote in her possession and BAM! Xion wasn't allowed to speak to me anymore. Yeah, we do anyway but no one needs to know.

In the end, I wasn't expecting visitors other than my brother, who was pretty much my parent since my mom was always working.

So, when Axel showed up a few days later I was more than surprised.

"Hey," Axel said with a grin, putting his stuff down on a chair.

I eyed him suspiciously, pressing a switch to bring my bed up before asking, "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school?" You rebel you.

"Well, I said I wanted to be friends and it's not gonna happen in one day is it?" He laughed and sat down, stretching his long limbs. He ignored what I said about school so I plainly assumed he was skipping.

"Ha," I snorted almost clandestinely, "you'd be surprised the things that can happen in one day".

"Well then there's two options, either I'm making nice to be friends or I'm visiting a friend" He bobbed his head in a nod, satisfied with his insignificant rationalization.

He failed to realize the third option. The option of him having the underlying feeling of guilt and charity, causing him to show up in order to make me feel better. That means he also has this narcissistic viewpoint, like I'd need him for me to feel better. But the last thing it is, is impossible.

"Are you straight or what?" I asked bluntly. Hey, a man's gotta know.

He paused for a moment, taken aback by the sudden question, "Oh… yeah, sorry…" He hesitated, involuntarily revealing his ambiguity.

He was definitely gay. Definitely. He just didn't know it yet.

"You're sorry because you're straight…" I raised an eyebrow. This is most likely his subconscious trying to tell him he feels bad about it because deep down it's a lie. I may be biased about this though… hmm.

"Well that's not what I… Not really… but hey…" He muttered, quickly changing the subject, "Are you bored in here?"

"Yeah, most of the time, well, all of the time" I replied honestly, sitting up.

"Come with me then. Let's go to the park and get ice-cream" He offered, pulling my arm, "you know you wanna"

"I'm not supposed to leave… and I have this" I showed him the IV that was streaming my treatment directly into my veins. I had been stabbed.

"Well, they don't have to know and we can take that out, yeah?" He grinned with the most beautiful glimmer of mischief I have ever witnessed, "Anyway, only for an hour or so. Its better than being stuck here right?"

With a beam, I nodded, pulling the sticky bandage-like thing to get the IV out, "undeniably better".

I grabbed my clothes from the couch by the window and took the uncomfortable smock that was provided by the hospital off. While tossing the smock to the side I glanced at Axel only to see he had averted his eyes.

"What? Is this a compliment? I might just make you gay or something?" I teased him with an underhanded smile. Maybe deep inside I hoped so… Nah. Deep inside I knew so. There was a flaming, fabulous stallion just waiting to prance out of him. I snorted at the thought, getting my jeans on.

"We'll yeah, no, you're attractive for a dude and all but I didn't… You know what, you're not allowed to say anything cause you're the one that likes this piece of ass" snickered the redhead, who turned mockingly and wacked his own ass.

I looked at him, with the view I had I could make out the slender, muscular curves of his body. The way they probably pulsed against tension… He was so hot…

"Are you checking me out?" Axel's voice brought me back, "Point made"

I shook my head, slipping my hand in the armhole of my shirt, "You wish, come on then…"

He went ahead and looked out the door, waiting until the coast was clear before gesturing for me to join him as he walked out. My heart pumped from the thought of being caught, adrenaline building up. I followed as he discretely lead me into the elevator and completely out of the hospital. There were a few nurses on the way but they didn't notice, more absorbed in what they were doing than how a patient was escaping.

"Freedom," I sighed, breathing in the fresh air and stretching as If I couldn't inside. My muscles still felt fatigued but I could have rest all I wanted to later. An opportunity like this might not come for a while again. They said that my symptoms could be a mixture between my underlying depression and other disease, making it harder for them to pinpoint exactly what I had, considering the possible options.

"This way to the beauty," Axel took out his car keys, guiding my tired body to his car and making positive that I got in well. I nodded as I closed the door, leaning back aligned with the cool, black leather interior of his car. Pretty much going against everything parents ever teach by getting in the car with a stranger. He could've kidnapped me and then what? Meh, I guess as long as I got ice cream it would not matter. That's not going to happen though, not in this. He got into the driver's seat and started the car, grinning proudly as it purred.

My blue orbs rolled as the heat of the baking car was conducted into me. The AC blasted in my face as I aimed the last vent to myself while trying to cool off. It was much hotter than I thought and my sensitivity to high temperature did not help the fact that the vehicle was hell on wheels.

When we got to the park, I was reluctantly yanked out of the cooled safe-haven. It really sucks that by the time the car is cooled to perfection the destination is barely a minute away. It's an asshole god's doing again, isn't it? _Thanks god._

"So, ice-cream? What do you want?" Axel tapped me on the forehead before I was completely zoned out.

"Oh, Sea-salt please," I yawned and squinted at the park, looking for some shade.

"You too? Not many people I know like it" The redhead smiled as he paid for our ice-cream and handed me one.

I took it happily, it would be my first sea-salt ice-cream in a month "Yeah, it's the best". As interesting as our small similarity was I was more concerned with finding shade. I managed to find a bench that was partially shaded by an oak tree and escorted Axel to it, sitting on the sheltered half.

Oh the sea-salt ice-cream was heavenly. The salty sweet yumminess ate away at _all_ my irritability.

"Roxas… Roxas look…Roxas!"

"WHAT!"

Almost _all_ my irritability.

"Well aren't you just a bowl of sunshine," Mocked Axel as he patted me on the back,

"What is it though?"

He shook his head, "Never mind, it's not important. What is important is this simple question: What would you do differently if you know no one would judge you?"

Hm. I'd like to think I already go about my life thinking that but… I guess at times…

"I'd tell everyone personally, respectfully of course, what I dislike about them and give them reasons. Then they can tell me why they're like that. Then when they tell me some shit reason I won't feel bad for disliking that part of them or if they give me a good reason I won't dislike it as much cause I'd understand. I'd tell people who are christian or believe in one god or another why I don't. And they can tell me why they do." I responded, contemplating exactly what I would say in my head.

"So you'd tell people off?" Axel inquired in amusement. He had a grin on his face that resembled Cheshire from Alice in Wonderland. (Me-ow)

"Curiouser and curiouser," I muttered whilst examining his sharp features.

"What?"

"Nothing at all."

We sat there silently for more than a moment, maybe even more than two moments. Two moments, three…however long some moments can last…

I wondered if people realized I was gone yet. I could just imagine the panic that might ensue… combustion. Fires igniting everywhere for no reason…papers flying…children rioting…

That's how I'd visualize it but that is a little tremendous. A wave of anxiety washed over me either way. I should go back. But I wanted this little bit of freedom…a little longer.

"Now what?" I asked, looking at the man I wanted to just…ycadxkissxfdnxhimxldviuf…

He just gave me a smirk before dashing off to the playground, waving for me to join him. As the last bit of my ice-cream coolly slipped down my throat, I got up and joined him, rubbing my eyes.

"It's too hot for this…" I mumbled, watching as the redhead swung from the monkey bars like a deranged chimp. He was excessively tall and had to bring his jean-clad legs up to his chest to avoid being hauled across the dirt.

"It's barely…seventy… degrees…" He huffed between swings, "are you okay? Your face is red"

I wiped my forehead as I started to sweat, "Yeah I'm okay… just… hot easily…" my hand started to split apart, two transparent versions side-by-side. It would be convenient if I essentially did have more than one left hand I suppose.

"Hey… Roxas?"

I closed my eyes until it passed. The darkness helped but my feeble body caused me to sway vaguely. I felt a presence before me. When I opened my eyes I saw sharp green ones inches from my own.

"F-Fine. I'm fine" I felt the heat rushing to my face, that combined with the rays of sun irritated my skin to no end.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, no worries" I informed, climbing up a rope ladder so I could drive the ship that oddly resembled a playground. I spun the wobbly wheel, pretending that I was out at sea, moving with the wind.

"Captain!" Axel called from atop a slide, "I think we have a problem here that you should scope out!"

I hummed in response, sauntering over to him, "what's the problem, peasant?"

"Mutiny."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard."

"Nope!" I ran off the playground, Axel in hot pursuit. My breaths were quick and short but I never noticed. The taller male caught up hurriedly, long legs as an inequitable advantage. He grabbed me and pulled me onto the ground, landing us in a pile of warm, dusty dirt.

"You can't steal my title"

"Fine, you can be captain" he poked my stomach, eyeing me with an inner turmoil, "Hey… I was thinking about things…you… and…"

I widened my eyes, "something's wrong…"

"What is it? Are you okay?"

I took a diminutive breath, my heart rate increasing abnormally. My heart was pounding in my chest; I squeezed the skin with my hand as if the pressure would suddenly make it okay. It wasn't. It felt like a thousand elephants had found shelter in my body.

"N-No… I'm not okay…"

"Fuck, Roxas, I'm sorry" Before I had time to react, he scooped me up in his arms and got me into his car. I couldn't respond, I was… tired…I was… what was I?

"I'm so sorry"

And time went fast. Maybe the universe did. Maybe I just wasn't there.

"I need a doctor here!"

"Tachycardia, we need a defibrillator" I heard a doctor. There was too many noises around me, too many lights. Beeping, flashing, people…

"Is he going to be alright?!"

I couldn't… my vision was blurring, my heart was on fire… and…

And darkness. Again darkness.

"Clear!"

oOoOoOo

_Where am I?_

"He has an enlarged thyroid, it's graves"

"We need to get him in surgery immediately…"

"And have him take medication the rest of his life?"

"There's been too much damage already; the best option is to remove the gland. Before any more of this happens"

"Just take it out," I muttered, "The things a bitch…"

'Well alright…"

I was barely even conscious when they knocked me out again.

_Graves Disease._

_An autoimmune disorder leads to over activity of the thyroid gland. Symptoms include Anxiety, difficulty concentrating, double vision, eye irritation, fatigue, heat intolerance, increased sweating, insomnia, muscle weakness, nervousness, restlessness, shortness of breath… _

At least the relevant symptoms.

When I woke, Axel was there sleeping in a pile of his own limbs. I looked at the time. 4:28 am. There was a bandage wrapped around my neck from the surgery. Every slight movement irritated the incision but it wasn't unbearable.

Axel. Why was he here?

He probably thinks all of this was his fault…

Shakily, I got up, holding onto the IV stand for support. It rolled coarsely as I made my way to Axel. He was breathing softly, hair slightly unkempt and mouth agape due to the awkward sitting position he was sleeping in.

My heart beat sped, this time for a completely different reason.

Without a single morsel of inhibition, I leaned in to him, capturing his lips in my own. It was warm… but not the bad kind of warm. Inviting really… even though it may be considered sexual assault.

I pulled away.

There were those beautiful green eyes again…

"Roxas…" He wrapped his arms around me tightly, "I'm glad you're alright… sorry I put you in danger" His hair poked at my face lightly but I didn't mind.

"I'm glad you did, it's boring in here… so at least something happened, right? Anyway sea-salt ice-cream practically beats everything" I wasn't mad, I wasn't even a little upset because thanks to him I felt better. And I was getting better.

The redhead made me get back to bed, moving his chair closer so he could speak quietly with me.

"So, Roxy, I've been thinking…" He grinned as if he was the saint of all nicknames, "…Well I was thinking that maybe I'm not exactly straight at all. I don't know… I always had this feeling… you know? That I might not be… I guess I was just confused. I tried to get with girls but it never really worked out in the end… they're kinda… eh well you know. And I wanted to wait until you were released… have some flowers or something and wheel you off into the sunset or some romantic shit… but I think. I think you're way ahead of me there…" He messed with his hair nervously, trying to organize the mess in his mind and hair but being unable to.

"And..?"

"Roxas, I thought you were going to die. I only have talked to you for a couple days but damn… you scared the hell out of me" He took hold of my hand and chuckled.

_How do you think I felt?_

"Can you get to the point, its four thirty in the morning" Spoke my half-heartedly annoyed self. It came out as more of a murmur than an annoyed statement.

I bit my lip anxiously… _say it._

"You just… it just" sighed the sexually frustrated man with no connections to his emotions… I exaggerate.

"You know, my confession went ten times fas-"

And I couldn't speak.

His sweet lips took all purpose from my own, other than to kiss back. Hands held my waist, lightly as the male kissed me in the most affectionate way possible. Only a small hum escaped my comforted lips.

And time went slowly. Or the universe slowed. Just for this moment.

"I'm glad you're okay…"

"If you're just doing this out of guilt… I swear" I huffed at him suspiciously but I knew he didn't think of it that way, playfully kissing his cheek.

"Nah, nah, never"

"I'd probably blame it on asshole god…" I laughed in a hushed tone.

He pushed me to the side and snuggled into me as he got on the hospital bed as if it was his property, "I thought you didn't believe in god?"

"I don't, but if he did exist he'd be the biggest asshole ever…"

"Man… why couldn't I have really met you sooner…" his hand caressed my cheek gently, "Why couldn't I have noticed you earlier…"

"Sometimes you just need something to happen I guess" I smiled, "You'd be surprised what could change in a day"

With one last kiss goodnight, we fell asleep in each other's arms.

It was like a fairy-tale sort of. Without the princess, without the prince. Without the pumpkin carriage or fairy godmothers. A fairy tale: without the witch and helpful animals, dwarves and spinning wheels, a collection of gadgets and gizmos, and glass slippers, but. But still a fairy-tale.

I'd like to say that we lived happily ever after.

But we didn't.

oOoOoOo

It was only unrealistic dreams. Delusions. They were things that would never possibly be and things that would never happen. They wouldn't happen as much as I wished they would, as much as I wanted them to be. I could imagine an immeasurable amount of things that could happen, billions of things that are possible and a gazillion impossible things.

Nothing would change.

Nothing would happen how I want it to.

It will all be the same.

You can think up any story you want. Any story you wish to believe. Any scenario, any encounter, every word. But in the end what you share is reality.

A reality that you always have to return to. A reality that is never what you dream.

**And the water ran cold. **

* * *

**That right, you guessed it! Almost this whole fanfiction takes place in Roxas' mind. You know when you're thinking of random scenarios in your head like, "oh, what if a guy just comes in with a gun, what would I do?" And you imagine exactly what would happen? That's this fanfiction. Of course, while Roxas is having these "Unrealistic Dreams" he continues to go through school life, seeing if maybe not everything has to be a dream. PPPPSST, maybe if anyone has an idea for one of Roxas' mindgasm you can comment one (credit given of course) It might be fun, more interactive. Right, pawns?**

**Blue**

_**Watch the Sky**_


End file.
